Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
