I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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