Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
