Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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