Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
