I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
