LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
