I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
