There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
