I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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