the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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