Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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