Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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