Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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