I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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