david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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