last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
