everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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