so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
