I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
