You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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