my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
