I feel like abortions should bother me more
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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