Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
