So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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