He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
