i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
