ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He did a backflip because drugs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
