Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
