hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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