just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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