I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
