I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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