I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize