Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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