is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
