im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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