I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
