Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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