bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
