i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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