i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
