Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
