i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
love makes seman taste better
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
