You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
