Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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