Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
