I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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