If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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