who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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