I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
