this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
