At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
