Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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