i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
