so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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