she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
