is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
pray to the hookup gods
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
