I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
