i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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