I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
